Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
