I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
