I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
