I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
