wake up i wanna do it froggy style
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize
