i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I just want nice things and good sex
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
