I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
The uberlube is also flammable
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
