i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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