I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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