U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
