She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
