Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
