I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
