You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Me. At least after what I've been through.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
