it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
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