well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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