very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
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