you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
