We're like a lot better than the average bears
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
