I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
We have so much sex to catch up on
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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