I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Randomize
