I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
