She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
