The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
