Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
