if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
