she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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