in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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