Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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