She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
