I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
