Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
