I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
