I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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