mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
