people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
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