I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
