Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
