Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize