Plan B is the new Plan A
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
