the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
