I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
