We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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