Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
