Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
