So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
