Plan B is the new Plan A
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
