Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Enjoy the penises
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
