At least make sure they are 18
Why
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
