Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
