Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
