I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
