When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
