mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
