after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Randomize