Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
