3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
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