I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
