I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize