her vagina looked like bernie madoff
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
