She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
