i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
