Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
