in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
