glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
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