and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
