I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I think my vagina is haunted
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Randomize
