i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
