Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
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