i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
