WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
