Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
