I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
