my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
