when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
