You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
