the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
