so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
He passed out mid-signature
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
