dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
