If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
