Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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