I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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