Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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