I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
