it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
