My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize