Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
