Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
