so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
