Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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