Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
