you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
