Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
