and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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