the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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