don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize